ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
