So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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