First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."