Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...