If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...