she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed