My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
and she was petting her beer can
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."