Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.