ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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