So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
