Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
