im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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