This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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