I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
