you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
