areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I don't deserve a penis
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize