and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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