so explain again why im purple
no
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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