When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
