So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
