I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
