I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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