Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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