it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
