dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
