This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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