Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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