You're so nebulous sometimes
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
