True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
