I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
