Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
