Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
