she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
