Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
