you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
