yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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