I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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