Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
