I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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