Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
