it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
