Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
