Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
