Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
As shirtless as possible
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
