Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
