Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
