Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
