Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
