Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
