Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
