I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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