he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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