I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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