I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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