Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize