Apparently you make a good broom.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
