Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
