his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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