He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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