Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
