You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
