Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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