She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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