That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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