Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
