then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
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Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
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They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning