but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.