About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks