This is evicking siegelnvs
This is fucking ridiculous*
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.