I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
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It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
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Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet