Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.

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(978): I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b. http://tfl.nu/o2b7

Replies (33) Good night (2566) Bad night (1579)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.

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(604): Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life. http://tfl.nu/tq60

Replies (15) Good night (1205) Bad night (3927)
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(518): View more from New York

You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.

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(518): You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO. http://tfl.nu/kgev

Replies (142) Good night (4296) Bad night (1263)
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(503): View more from Oregon

Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.

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(503): Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account. http://tfl.nu/dorm

Replies (25) Good night (1269) Bad night (3526)
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(716): View more from New York

right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable

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(716): right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable http://tfl.nu/dvma

Replies (14) Good night (6242) Bad night (1213)
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(207): View more from Maine

I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.

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(207): I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs. http://tfl.nu/5epb

Replies (10) Good night (4052) Bad night (1823)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?

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(603): Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night? http://tfl.nu/gcf5

Replies (9) Good night (1743) Bad night (809)
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(504): View more from Louisiana

Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.

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(504): Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted. http://tfl.nu/mn0k

Replies (14) Good night (2268) Bad night (815)
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(602): View more from Arizona

You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink

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(602): You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink http://tfl.nu/maij

Replies (7) Good night (2135) Bad night (744)
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(785): View more from Kansas

Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.

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(785): Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks. http://tfl.nu/e26o

Replies (8) Good night (622) Bad night (1257)
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(205): View more from Alabama

My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT

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(205): My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT http://tfl.nu/uxt5

Replies (11) Good night (735) Bad night (2314)
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(760): View more from California

He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....

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(760): He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch.... http://tfl.nu/h307

Replies (1) Good night (837) Bad night (454)
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(240): View more from Maryland

Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?

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(240): Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats? http://tfl.nu/479l

Replies (3) Good night (808) Bad night (399)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?

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(617): Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now? http://tfl.nu/vwhb

Replies (2) Good night (479) Bad night (387)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".

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(717): He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt". http://tfl.nu/asc7

Replies (3) Good night (601) Bad night (197)

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