i want to fuck
it's pretty self explanatory
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.