4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.