It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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