drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
