I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
