we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
