Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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