i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
